Breaking the Habit
by Dark-Angel302
Summary: One-shot Songfic. 'Breaking the Habit' by Linkin Park - He wanted it all to go away, to leave him in peace. Ryou wanted to forget everything, how else was he supposed to do it? - WARNING: Character death, drug use; Rated for all of the above plus language


**Disclaimer:** I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh! or 'Breaking the Habit' by Linkin Park.

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Breaking the Habit

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Rain beat against the glass, and lightning struck, flashing a faint light across the room through the window. A boy sat on his bed, in the dark; not daring to get off or even _look_ under his bed. He was afraid of the monster, and not the kind that little kids make up in their heads either. The boy was 15, with long silver-white hair and brown eyes that reflected more about him than anyone else would ever know. His eyes were dull, lifeless; just like him.

The monster was in a shoebox under the bed, were he had hid it. The boy smiled to himself, it was quite amusing that he thought of it as a monster, it wasn't alive; but all the same, it was still a monster, created to destroy people's lives. He had tried so hard to quit, just because he felt like there was no reason to live anymore doesn't mean he should start again.

Not again.

_/Memories consume  
Like opening the wound  
I'm picking me apart again/_

Ryou closed his eyes for a minute; Bakura was down the hall, thinking that everything was over and once again it was safe to leave his hikari in his room, by himself. Before, it was too dangerous, Ryou was too dangerous. But, he didn't know it was taking all of him to keep the little voice in his head from persuading him to take the box out from under the bed and . . .

No.

Ryou's eyes snapped open, he wouldn't, never again. After Ryou had collapsed, everyone made sure that what had happened before would never happen again.

Well, it was happening. They were ignoring him, again. He would sit by them at school, no one would notice; maybe a 'hi', but that was it. Bakura had started to go out to clubs more often, leaving Ryou to sit alone in his room and stare at the floor, trying to control the urge.

_/You all assume  
I'm safe here in my room  
[Unless I try to start again]/_

After detoxification and two months of mental therapy Ryou _seemed _normal enough to everyone else, totally recovered, they thought they had cleaned up all of the reasons that led to Ryou doing the things he had, well . . .

They missed a spot.

Ryou slowly got off his bed and slid to the floor. 'I shouldn't, it isn't right!' he tried to tell himself, staring emptily into the darkness under his bed. 'I worked so hard, why now?' Ryou tried to convince himself.

_**Because the guilt is gone and no one cares anymore . . .**_

'They do care, they do–'

_**Then where are they? **_

'B-Bakura's down the hall–'

_**But not making sure you're not about to do what you have on your mind.**_

Ryou swallowed, hard. It was right.

_**Of course I'm right, I'm you. He doesn't care anymore Ryou, he's not here to stop you, he probably wouldn't even find out, that is . . .**_

_**Unless you're on the floor in the morning. **_

Ryou tensed, that's what happened last time.

_**Learn from your mistakes, you could start again, no one would find out this time. They all think you're cured, your 'fine.' Just let them think that, this time they won't interfere . . .**_

Slowly, Ryou reached under the bed for the box . . .

_/I don't want to be the one  
The battles always choose  
'Cause inside I realize  
That I'm the one confused/_

But just as he touched it, he brought his foot up and kicked it farther under the bed.

'Not again.'

_/I don't know what's worth fighting for  
Or why I have to scream  
I don't know why I instigate  
And say what I don't mean  
I don't know how I got this way  
I know it's not alright  
So I'm breaking the habit  
Tonight/_

Ryou stood up and swiftly walked out of the room, not looking back. 'I'll sleep on the couch if I have to!' Suddenly he stopped as he heard something familiar, it sounded like . . . shouting.

'Oh no, Dad's home.' Bakura and Ryou's dad always yelled at each other, then one would take off and not come back until the other was gone, (usually it was Bakura who had to leave) And sometimes they said things Ryou wished he could just forget. They had been arguing for a while before it came to the part that always ended it.

"I'M TIRED OF YOU INSULTING ME, GET OUT OF MY HOUSE!"

"I LIVE HERE YOU STUPID IDIOTIC-"

"WELL I CAN KICK YOU OUT IT'S **MY **HOUSE!"

"No, it's Ryou's house. YOU'RE NEVER HOME!"

"IF MY SON IS THE ONLY REASON YOU'RE STILL FREE-LOADING ON MY PROPERTY THEN TAKE HIM WITH YOU! AS LONG AS IT GETS YOU _AND_ HIM OUT OF MY SIGHT!"

Ryou felt his heart stop, and could sense his Yami's shock.

"HOW COULD YOU SAY THAT! HE'S YOUR SON!"

Everything else was lost to him, Ryou couldn't hear anything anymore.

_**See, I told you no one cared anymore . . .**_

In his mind, Ryou guessed he always knew that his father never wanted him around. It was all making sense now; the long trips, the short visits, always avoiding him when his father was home and never staying in the same room long. They never ate dinner together and he would always cover up with 'sorry, thought you were _him_,' when ever he glared at him. But why?

Ryou shakily stood up from his spot at the top of the stairs. Looking to his left he saw a mirror hanging on the wall, and there was his answer, staring back at him.

'I look like mom.'

He ran to his room, locking the door behind him. He didn't care any more, he just wanted everything to go away. For a few moments of peace, he wanted to forget.

_/Clutching my cure  
I tightly lock the door  
I try to catch my breath again  
I hurt much more  
Than anytime before  
I had no options left again/_

**_No options left Ryou, what are you going to do? _**The voice taunted him. Tears stung Ryou's eyes; he didn't want to. But there was no other way to make it go away. To forget everything for just a few hours, sitting in blank happiness in his room. It always worked, he never over-dosed and he never changed what he did.

Why wouldn't it now?

_/I don't want to be the one  
The battles always choose  
'Cause inside I realize  
That I'm the one confused/_

The door was locked, all was silent for a minute. The shouting had ceased, and then suddenly the sound of his _Dad's _car was heard, and it pulled out of the drive-way. Bakura had won, tonight. But that didn't matter, nothing did.

He dug under his bed for the box he had kicked to the back. Bringing it out he opened it up to see the familiar needle and liquid filled caskets. It was a new drug, called Ashinum, the caskets were small, only two left. The tears that had been silently falling down Ryou's face seemed to cease.

He would forget it all.

He'd make sure of it.

_/I don't know what's worth fighting for  
Or why I have to scream  
I don't know why I instigate  
And say what I don't mean  
I don't know how I got this way  
I'll never be alright  
So I'm breaking the habit  
Breaking the Habit  
Tonight/_

He upturned his wrist, locating the blue vain, and stuck the needle in, the dull blue liquid casket emptying. He felt a wave of dizziness, but it wasn't working!

_**Maybe it's just old?**_

'It shouldn't matter,' Ryou told the voice. He looked over to the last casket, maybe . . .

_**You can't over-dose! It might just take a minute to start affecting you!!**_

Ryou ignored the voice, 'Two should make me forget everything, forever.' He smiled sadly at the thought. It wouldn't kill him, he didn't think, but he would forget everything he ever knew, even this God-cursed drug and all his problems would fade. Throwing the empty casket back in the box he took out the other one.

'I want to forget.' Tears formed in his eyes. He wanted to forget his father's yelling, the shadow realm, his sister's death, his mother's screams as she yelled at the doctors that she wanted to see him before she passed away, the kids from England, what it felt like when everyone abandoned him; his friends, his family, even his own yami. He wasn't here now was he?

_Forget._

Without thinking twice about it he injected the second casket and all was lost to him.

_/I'll paint it on the walls  
'Cause I'm the one at fault  
I'll never fight again  
And this is how it ends/_

He was lost in a world of colors and lights, his mind was numb, and voices echoed in his ears. Switching between his mother, kids from school, and back when he met Yugi and the other's in Duelist Kingdom, when he was known as Bakura.

"Where is he?"

"Ryou, your so pathetic!"

"You have to stand up for yourself, Ryou!"

"Can't you do anything, Ryou!"

"We might not always be there to help you, you know!"

"RYOU! I WANT TO SEE HIM, LET ME SEE HIM!"

"Bakura, where did you come from?"

"What a weakling, you can't even stand up for yourself _verbally _let alone physically!"

"BAKURA, WHAT ARE YOU DOING!"

"RYOU, COME HERE. RYOU! LET ME SEE MY SON!"

"Good for nothing worthless-piece of SHIT!"

"GET OUT OF MY SIGHT!"

"RYOU! RYOU! LET ME SEE HIM! RYOU!"

"IF MY SON IS THE ONLY REASON YOU'RE STILL FREE-LOADING ON MY PROPERTY THEN TAKE HIM WITH YOU! AS LONG AS IT GETS YOU _AND_ HIM OUT OF MY SIGHT!"

"You look just like your mother, Ryou."

"RYOU! LET ME SEE RYOU!"

"BAKURA STOP IT!"

"YOU'RE WORTHLESS RYOU!"

"RYOU!"

"RYOU!"

"BAKURA!"

"RYOU!"

**"STOP IT!"** Ryou screamed, covering his hands with his ears, stumbling backwards. His vision was becoming more and more black, colors and lights were fading but the voices didn't cease. Soon it was all noise, the numbness was gone and he hurt everywhere. He screamed and it wasn't until then that he felt like he was falling.

This wasn't how it was supposed to happen.

_/I don't know what's worth fighting for  
Or why I have to scream  
But now I have some clarity  
To show you what I mean  
I don't know how I got this way  
I'll never be alright  
So I'm breaking the habit/_

Malik had stopped by to give Bakura his motorcycle back, he had left it at the shop Malik worked at early that morning. 'He better pay me extra for delivering,' Malik thought bitterly. As he reached the front door, he lifted up the welcome mat for the spare key. Malik had visited enough to be allowed in whenever he wanted, Ryou left the key under the mat for him only.

As Malik entered the house, the quiet blare of the TV came from the den. Bakura sat on the couch, grumbling to himself angrily, and furiously changing the channels. "You're going to break the remote at some point," Malik pointed out, gaining a glare from Bakura. He put up his hands defensively, "I was just dropping off your motorcycle, don't need to go all psycho on me."

"You should talk."

Malik smiled dropping the keys purposely on Bakura's head. "Hey, where's Ryou?"

"He's upstairs in his room–"

"STOP IT!" Malik and Bakura looked at each other as Ryou's shout echoed through the house. "LEAVE ME ALONE, I DIDN'T MEAN TO!" There was a lot of thumping sounds from the floor above. "SHUT UP!" Ryou's last scream lasted a minute before a heavy sound like something dropping to floor sounded. But Malik and Bakura were already half-way up the stairs.

_/I'm breaking the habit/_

"Ryou!" Bakura called, reaching his door first, and finding it locked. "He wouldn't, RYOU OPEN THE DOOR!" Reaching for the top of the door-frame he grabbed the key hidden there and burst through the door a second later.

"RYOU!" The white-haired boy was on the floor, hands over his ears, eyes shut tight, skin paler than usual, shaking his head muttering something to himself. Malik leaned down next to him, trying to shake him awake. "RYOU WAKE UP!"

Bakura looked to the floor beside him to see the all too familiar empty caskets inside the shoebox. He started again, why? Did he hear . . .

"Ryou, he's gone, he's not coming back. Ryou?" Bakura was now saying to him, trying to get him to snap out of the drug's effectives. Ryou was now squirming, as if to try and get away from them.

The hands.

Hands of green shadows reaching out for him in the purple-black darkness that wouldn't go away. 'No, get them away, don't touch me.' The voices were getting louder, more were being added, and one sounded familiar, yet faint.

"Ryou, he's not coming back, he won't bother us any more. Ryou wake up!"

'Bakura?'

The voice faded, the screams echoed through his head. 'Don't leave me, I'm scared.' He tried to find the voice but it was gone, panic swept over him, the purple was now fading and all he could see was darkness, pitch black; and all of the voices were starting to make sense, all saying one thing. "WAKE UP!"

'Wake up? From this horrible nightmare. You have no idea how hard I'm trying.' Yet he wasn't at all; he couldn't think, everything was going numb again, too numb. The blackness was sweeping over him, through him, he couldn't feel anything, see anything, or hear anything. The voices were fading.

'Wake up, I have to wake up . . .'

He couldn't even hear his own thoughts.

_/I'm breaking the habit_

_Tonight/_

"RYOU! COME ON RYOU, PLEASE?" Malik and Bakura were screaming, Ryou was still twisting and turning on the floor, muttering under his breath, trying to get out of their grasp.

"Wake up, I have to wake up."

"THAT'S RIGHT, WAKE UP RYOU!" He seemed to struggle even more, tears starting to streak down his face.

"RYOU!"

Everything stopped.

Bakura's voice seemed to echo through the house, Ryou's eyes were now open; staring at the ceiling. Blank, his skin had gone cold, and he no longer moved. Eyes staring at the ceiling, blank . . .

Dull . . .

Lifeless . . .

Just like him.

**_– Owari –_**

This is a one-shot so don't ask me to continue. Just for FYI, Ashinum is a drug. It's a blue liquid (not sure what's in it) in a small plastic casket about an inch and a half long. Yeah, really small and easy to transport. It is fairly new, one of my friends got on it and she collapsed because she over-dosed. Luckily she's still alive and on her way to full recovery, this is just my way of warning other people about it.

And for all the idiots out there, I repeated a lot of my own quotes in here; just to make a point of some sort . . . maybe you will get it, it's hard to describe. (more like impossible) See if you can spot them.

Oh, and if you have the time, tell me if you like it or not.

Translation:

**REVIEW PLEASE!**


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